Something approaching the poetic

It’s not that you ever learn

May 14, 2019

It’s not that you ever “learn” not to touch fire. That’s not the lesson from the burn. You “learn” the cost, the risk, the pain. You learn to account, to gamble, to tolerate. You learn to measure, to jump, to get the warm and fuzzies every now and again. The lesson is not to stop. It is to know what it takes to keep going.

You should be okay with dying

May 9, 2019

You should be okay with dying. It’s going to happen.

You should be okay with being okay with dying. It’s inevitable.

You should be okay with being okay with being okay with dying. Most times you will be this without you ever knowing.

Kinda like how you are once you die.

You really won’t notice most times. And you won’t even notice that you don’t notice. Most times.

Sometimes you will notice that you are afraid of dying. Sometimes this will only happen when you’re about to die.

Those times are the worst.

If you only ever fear death once, you died scared. Having feared death many times, I can tell you a life lived past each fear is better. Most times.

Because with fear we reach the end of our understanding. We buckle at the knees.

Fear lies at the boundary of the known and the unknown.

Only by crossing the border do we learn.

Or forget.

Knowing there is a line is enough. There is a demarcation. There is an end.

You will die.

And that’s okay.

It should be okay.

It will inevitably be okay.

Because it will happen. And that’s okay.

It has happened to every single thing that has been. We are invariably all past tense.

Whether it’s now or sometime in the future, eventually you will be gone.

And that’s okay. It happens to all of us.

And there could be no injustice so great it happens to all of us. A god so cruel I could not curse. Imagine how much worse it can be.

And no matter how bad it is, it will end. And sometimes that will be okay.

And sometimes it will be okay that it’s okay.

Sometimes it won’t be. And that’s okay too.

Sometimes it’s not.

It will happen all the same. To the just and unjust will be both justice and injustice, not always in that order. Not always in equal measure. But always.

The inevitable has at least that much in its favor. Inertia from mass, mass from matter, something to matter.

It happens. It happened. It will happen. It once will have happened. It’s happening now. And then. Other times too. Most times. All the times we know about.

The times we don’t know about scare us. Some of those times we are dead. Most times. And that scares us.

And that’s okay. It’s going to happen.

And it’s okay that it’s okay.

And it’s okay to be okay with it being okay. And that shouldn’t scare us.

You really won’t notice most times.

And you won’t even notice that you don’t notice. Most times.

And that’s okay.

It’s called living.

And some of us are doing it. And some of us have done it. And some of us might still do it yet. And then we don’t.

A window between two nonexistences, life is lived. Always eventually lived.

To say one has lived is the highest praise that the living and the lived have yet thought to call life.

We wish to live as maximally in all directions we have yet measured in/of life. So long as we are in/of that life.

Afterward we don’t care. We do not write our own postscripts. And that is okay.

We should eventually let others have a turn. We had ours.

May you have yours as you want it. It’s okay to want it that way. Most of the time. So long as you let others have it theirs as they want it.

It’s called living. And letting live. And we are doing it.

But eventually life will be done with us and/or we will be done with it.

And that will be it. For us at least. For others eventually.

And that’s okay.

All whom we will ever learn of and/or forget, all that is known and unknown, ending — ends — ended.


Life is life

January 12, 2019

it ain’t no race.

Just because one flame goes out

January 11, 2019

does not mean another cannot continue.

When punching something into shape

January 9, 2019

Throw one thousand punches a day.

How does involving knights and knaves in digital circuitry help?

April 19, 2018

You are going to be working with a lot of really talented people. You are going to trust those people and you are going to have to trust those people a lot for a lot of things. Every now and then, they’re going to be wrong or lying to you. You’re going to have to be able to know when that is the case. So, while the stuff we’re dealing with, sure, is meant for digital circuitry and logic and Boolean algebra, I think it will have a larger more useful effect in your life – being able to tell liars from non-liars.

But of course, that could be total bullshit, right? I made that up on the spot.

Really, it is more, I just think it’s a funner way of teaching [learning] logic than other ways of looking at it. That’s why we have knights and knaves. Otherwise we could have just done boring truth tables.

But then again, that could have been a lie as well.

Those night-of-sleep-that-got-away stories

April 18, 2018

Those night-of-sleep-that-got-away stories are all too common in what it is we do here. We work hard, we fray at nerves, pull out our hair, and try to catch a date or a movie or both every now and then. And because we are looking for this life towards which we aspire and trying to make it happen and have it all and do it all, we cut back on sleep.

Perhaps you have never tried it before now, but you can put a rank to what bodily functions of yours you’d like control over. I encourage you to try it now. My list, so far as I’ve thought it through to any great extent, is as follows:

1. Breathing. We are, by and large, aerobic creatures. While I’m sure there’s some gut bacteria out there who might otherwise be fine, most of who and what we are requires oxygen. The way our collection of cells functions is that each and just about every single one of them spend their entire lives (that trajectory from creation to void, from 1 to 0) specializing to become some itty bitty billionth billionth part of you. From the skin on the inner portion of your pinky toe to that strange smooth muscle that beats with the selective, stochastic influx of ions, they all do just a few things really well, forgoing their own ability to maintain certain functions, such as the production and transportation of metabolic products, instead relying on a larger system to provide it, much as there is a whole apparatus to deal with your waste of which you (and I) are largely ignorant. The number one currency in this specializing exchange program seen from a macrophysiological/organismal perspective: oxygen. We get that from breathing, therefore, breathing is first on my list of bodily functions.

2. Motion. Once I can provide oxygen to all my cells, I want all of those cells to be able to coordinate at least some gross motor functions. Moving limbs, manipulating environment, interacting with environment, all big in my book.

3. Seeing. Being able to identify the world around me is a great tool to have at the ready.

4. Eating food, drinking.

5. Disposal of waste (urination, defecation). We spend most of our first two years mastering these abilities. And we’re still learning. How to dispose of our waste, to recycle. Hell, some of us are still learning to eat (I spill on myself every other day) and from some of the eyes I saw after spring break, some of us are still learning to drink.

6. Autonomy over many functions. (I want to breathe whenever I want, I want to move whenever I want, I want to see, eat, do anything I want. In fact, I note here for the first time, that I suppose my system of greatest injustice also generally follows the same trend: I can’t breathe, I can’t move, I can’t see, I can’t eat, I can’t do…)

7. Taste. I’d like to be subjective about the world every now and then.

8. Clarity of forethought. I’d like to know what I’m going to do in a given situation. I, often, do not want my future to come as any great surprise. Call me old fashioned but I’d rather just work for it if I know it’s what I want. I don’t like betting on the longshot as anything but a laugh. And only then because I know it’s what I’m doing to do.

9. Sleeping whenever I want.

And 10, well, I couldn’t think of ten. I really just got to nine. And even by nine I was thinking I ought to just scale back, I was already grasping at straws for some of them: taste, clarity of forethought? Are these bodily functions? Maybe. I had space to fill and thoughts to fill it with and so I only got a list of nine. And the last one, the very last one, the one I was just saying does not get enough attention from us when we’re in the thick of it – namely, sleeping whenever I want – was number nine.

From the pulpit do we preach

March 19, 2018

From the pulpit do we preach
of a heaven we do not teach you to prepare for.

Utopia, met with scoffs.
Peace, derision.
Support, indecision.

Another day,
another–cash rules–money over–everything around me.

A fistful of dollars raised to the sky.
For a few dollars more, we’d have a few dollars more:
that’s the good, the bad, and the ugly about it.

Pastiche, mâché,
all fakery in preparation for
the real world.

The real world with no support,
no peace,
no utopia,
no you, me, or anyone for longer than a couple of bad decisions and the time, for some, to rectify at least some modest portion of them.

Fire, brimstone,
all theatrics in lieu of
true feeling.

Of love, kindness, respect for others, hope eternal, charity for all, more friends, fewer enemies.
Of relief, remorse, regret, repentance.
Of more this, more that, less this, less that, let’s tune the knobs right.

Out, in front of you,
all you will ever know
of everything.

What more can be taught
than to see more, listen more, taste, feel, experience
more, more, more–
than to say, let the world flow through you, find out who you are.
It will not always be pretty.
Your kidneys, despite your possible protestation, are not pretty.

You may not always be pretty
but you will always be you.
In the best of all possible worlds or not.

A haiku

March 6, 2018

If you are done with
your group’s ECG circuit
please dismantle it.