Special Counsel Robert S. Mueller III’s inquiry into the Russia investigation has somehow generated the following set of questions for which the world is looking for answers. Answering for myself, I report my own person’s whereabouts, activities, and motives with sufficient firmness of resolution for those same questions below.
1. What did you know about phone calls that Mr. Flynn made with the Russian ambassador, Sergey I. Kislyak, in late December 2016?
Nothing. I now know they’ve happened from reading it in the news, but I did not know about any such communication and do not know of any of the people involved personally.
2. What was your reaction to news reports on Jan. 12, 2017, and Feb. 8-9, 2017?
According to the New York Times this refers to Flynn’s phone Valls to Mr. Kislyak. I cannot recall particulars, but I remember a general sense of “well, yeah, duh, probably, of course something like this.” You know, like a “Jesus wept” sort of exasperation with the whole political theater at that point.
3. What did you know about Sally Yates’s meetings about Mr. Flynn?
4. How was the decision made to fire Mr. Flynn on Feb. 13, 2017?
I made no such decision.
5. After the resignations, what efforts were made to reach out to Mr. Flynn about seeking immunity or possible pardon?
By me personally and by those to whose activities I can attest, no efforts were made to reach out to Mr. Flynn about immunity or possible pardon(s).
6. What was your opinion of Mr. Comey during the transition?
“Son of a bitch, I get why he did it, could have done it better, should have done it better, seems like a righteous prick, a little less gruff than I expect the F.B.I. Director to be.”
7. What did you think about Mr. Comey’s intelligence briefing on Jan. 6, 2017, about Russian election interference?
I have no first hand experience.
8. What was your reaction to Mr. Comey’s briefing that day about other intelligence matters?
To speculate for the fun of it, I imagine it was quite frightening to a paranoid septuagenarian to hear directly from J. Edgar Hoover’s descendent a specific, mostly true accounting of one of the more rowdy nights on recent memory.
9. What was the purpose of your Jan. 27, 2017, dinner with Mr. Comey, and what was said?
I had no such dinner.
10. What was the purpose of your Feb. 14, 2017, meeting with Mr. Comey, and what was said?
I had no such meeting.
11. What did you know about the F.B.I.’s investigation into Mr. Flynn and Russia in the days leading up to Mr. Comey’s testimony on March 20, 2017?
I suspect that the Director of the F.B.I. probably knew something substantial about it.
12. What did you do in reaction to the March 20 testimony? Describe your contacts with intelligence officials.
I watched it, probably talked to a few closer friends about it when they could stand to hear me prattle on about it.
13. What did you think and do in reaction to the news that the special counsel was speaking to Mr. Rogers, Mr. Pompeo and Mr. Coats?
I cannot recall that news prompting any special action from me.
14. What was the purpose of your calls to Mr. Comey on March 30 and April 11, 2017?
I made no such calls.
15. What was the purpose of your April 11, 2017, statement to Maria Bartiromo?
I made no such statement.
16. What did you think and do about Mr. Comey’s May 3, 2017, testimony?
I thought it was quite something. I watched it. Probably again speaking to closer acquaintances about it after.
17. Regarding the decision to fire Mr. Comey: When was it made? Why? Who played a role?
I suspect probably around the testimony. I bet D. Trump wanted to hear his name cleared more. Probably still a little high in around those first 100 days, feels he can probably get away with it, decides thereabouts, early May 2017?, to fire Mr. Comey. I do not know any of that for a fact as I have nothing to do with none of it, but that’d be my estimated guess.
18. What did you mean when you told Russian diplomats on May 10, 2017, that firing Mr. Comey had taken the pressure off?
I did no such thing.
19. What did you mean in your interview with Lester Holt about Mr. Comey and Russia?
I have never been interviewed by or with Lester Holter.
20. What was the purpose of your May 12, 2017, tweet?
I made no tweet on that date.
21. What did you think about Mr. Comey’s June 8, 2017, testimony regarding Mr. Flynn, and what did you do about it?
Can’t really recall that one. Probably watched it and commented to a small subset of friends in a small subset of instances.
22. What was the purpose of the September and October 2017 statements, including tweets, regarding an investigation of Mr. Comey?
I gave a speech about the importance of anatomical donations to medical education. I really remain a firm believer that you really need to be looking in and around and all over people to understand the human body in the ways necessary for competent medical opinion. I would go so far as to say that every biomedical engineer ought to go through an anatomy and physiology class with cadavers. Beyond my headier reasons for that position outlined in said speech, my purpose was to let those who cared about the individuals that brought them there (neighbors, friends, moms, dads, sisters, uncles, grandmas, children, coworkers, bar buddies, etc.) know that we cared about one of their final acts on earth. Ands because we want to remember that they lived a life that everyone in the room cared about and because we want to celebrate and encourage their (final) acts in life because it has all these important ramifications (better medical education). I don’t think this had anything to do with Mr. Comey.
23. What is the reason for your continued criticism of Mr. Comey and his former deputy, Andrew G. McCabe?
I do not recall any such criticism being made by me. Can you be more specific?
24. What did you think and do regarding the recusal of Mr. Sessions?
Nothing that I can recall.
25. What efforts did you make to try to get him to change his mind?
Few if any.
26. Did you discuss whether Mr. Sessions would protect you, and reference past attorneys general?
27. What did you think and what did you do in reaction to the news of the appointment of the special counsel?
Probably felt a little nervous because I didn’t really want a whole Ken Starr situation going on on top of or next to or in concert with the madness already happening. After awhile, perhaps even a short while, I came to see this investigation as the way we were all going to establish the truth. So got pretty comfortable with it. Look forward to the final report.
28. Why did you hold Mr. Sessions’s resignation until May 31, 2017, and with whom did you discuss it?
I did no such thing.
29. What discussions did you have with Reince Priebus in July 2017 about obtaining the Sessions resignation? With whom did you discuss it?
I had no discussion with Reince Pribus in July 2017 about obtaining the Sessions resignation.
30. What discussions did you have regarding terminating the special counsel, and what did you do when that consideration was reported in January 2018?
Probably some water cooler talk saying “D. Trump will eventually fire this man.”
31. What was the purpose of your July 2017 criticism of Mr. Sessions?
I cannot recall specifically but in general I think Mr. Sessions is backward ass facing on just about everything I care about, but also doesn’t seem to want to rewrite how everything is done everywhere and I like that (perceived) steadiness. If I criticized him in July 2017 (or elsewhere) I bet it had mostly to do with social issues such as LGBTQ issues, his obvious squirminess, his policies regarding some non-violent crimes, his positions on immigration and immigrants, etc. Happy to get specific, but I’m not looking to cut down the man. Suffice to say, we might not agree on some important things.
32. When did you become aware of the Trump Tower meeting?
Whenever it hit the news. July? No, February? Something like that? Whenever it happened, I found out.
33. What involvement did you have in the communication strategy, including the release of Donald Trump Jr.’s emails?
I had no involvement.
34. During a 2013 trip to Russia, what communication and relationships did you have with the Agalarovs and Russian government officials?
I had no communication and/or relationships with the Agalarovs and Russian government officials.
35. What communication did you have with Michael D. Cohen, Felix Sater and others, including foreign nationals, about Russian real estate developments during the campaign?
I had no communication with Michael D. Cohen, Felix Sater and/or foreign nationals about Russian real estate developments during the campaign.
36. What discussions did you have during the campaign regarding any meeting with Mr. Putin? Did you discuss it with others?
None that I can recall. Maybe some in jest with friends. But you’d have to remind me to get anything more specific.
37. What discussions did you have during the campaign regarding Russian sanctions?
I thought it was possible that was a reason Donald Trump might be acting certain ways and likely spoke to it on occasion or two before the election.
38. What involvement did you have concerning platform changes regarding arming Ukraine?
I had no involvement.
39. During the campaign, what did you know about Russian hacking, use of social media or other acts aimed at the campaign?
I saw that Russian trolls were every and the internet was maggoty with the shit that comes with politics.
40. What knowledge did you have of any outreach by your campaign, including by Paul Manafort, to Russia about potential assistance to the campaign?
Read article(s) about Manafort reaching out to an Oligarch to teach him the Trump way.
41. What did you know about communication between Roger Stone, his associates, Julian Assange or WikiLeaks?
I saw them all kind of talking about the same things at the same time in similar ways. I figured cahoots of sorts were foot.
42. What did you know during the transition about an attempt to establish back-channel communication to Russia, and Jared Kushner’s efforts?
I have no direct knowledge on this matter.
43. What do you know about a 2017 meeting in Seychelles involving Erik Prince?
Nothing more than I could find out from the public record.
44. What do you know about a Ukrainian peace proposal provided to Mr. Cohen in 2017?
Took me about one distracted hour. Now let’s see people who matter answer for themselves.